she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
