please come you make the beer taste better
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
