I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
