update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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