she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
