Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
