After last night, I could never be a politician.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
