New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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