i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
