oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
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Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
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Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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