We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
