yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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