what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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