she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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