Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
