Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
