Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
