Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
