she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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