Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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