C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
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