I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
