We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
