I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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