The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
