yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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