I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
