so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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