why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial