he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
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when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
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I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.