I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She liked it
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."