4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.