how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
So here I am, sexting at work.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
