Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
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I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
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You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.