Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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