you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
