Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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