Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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