The best revenge is premature balding
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
