My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
