im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
