You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
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