I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
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Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
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What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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