I saw his package. It spoke to me.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
