"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
