Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
