He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
