A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize
