I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
