fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
