already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
