when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
