We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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