textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
