I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
