I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
