I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
