I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
