just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
