Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
