The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
