3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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