am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
