Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
