Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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