And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
