Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
