She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
