my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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