I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
