god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
