I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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