I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
