id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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