so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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