Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
My ATM looks so different sober.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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