Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
