I think I can smell my own vagina right now
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
