Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
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i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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