My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
