I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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