i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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