Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
