found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I need a beard to bite.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
